(Bloomberg) –Mince pies are sweet Christmas treats in the U.K., where for generations they have been a happy childhood menu of pastries filled with dried fruits and spices. But what does a grown-up chef make of them?

Lily Vanilli doesn’t mince her words.

She is as cool as they come: A self-taught East London baker whose customers include Madonna and Elton John. She even created the canapes for the British star’s White Tie & Tiara Summer Ball.

Lily, AKA Lily Jones, is not a fan of mince pies. “There’s a lot of haters out there,” she says. She bakes a savory version with cheese and pickle. But she agreed to sample 11 of the sweet variety in a tasting at her Hackney bakery.

Harrods, the posh department store, came top with a luxurious pie. But luxury retailers Harvey Nichols and Fortnum & Mason both failed to impress.

Here are her verdicts, from best to worst, with marks out of 10.

Harrods Classic (£1.58 each)

“It tastes boozy, which I like. It’s got a really Christmassy kick to it. The pastry is good and the filling. You can really taste the butter and, yeah, that boozy indulgent mince is good. Luxury.” 8.5/10

Pret a Manger (£1.60 each)

“It’s deep-filled. Flour on top. Powdered sugar. The mince looks good. The filling is good. I actually like it. The pastry is fine: Buttery, crisp, not too thick. And then it has got a citrussy kick to the mince. Not too sweet. Good one.” 7.5/10

EAT (£1.50 each)

“This looks adventurous: It’s got a crumble and brown sugar. It’s good, with a lot of flavor. It could do maybe with a drop of salt in there, but I’d give it extra marks for being a bit different, It’s like a patisserie take on a mince pie.” 7/10

M&S Collection (£0.42 each)

“This one looks cute: 10 out of 10 for effort on design. They’ve made little leaves and stars for the pastry lid. The filling is really good: Lots of different fruit in there. It’s delicious: Not a great pastry—it’s quite soft—but my favorite mince.” 6/10

Greggs (£0.50 each)

“It looks more like it’s going to be a little meat pie or something. It’s smaller and flatter. The mincemeat is good. There is citrus in there, not just like overly sweet, there’s more flavor than just sugar. Pastry is straightforward. You can tell it’s a budget pastry.” 5/10

Heston from Waitrose Chocolate & Sour Cherry Crumble (£0.42 each)

“It is unusual looking. It’s like cherry chocolate and really, really sweet. Quite sickly, overwhelmingly chocolatey. I don’t really like it honestly. It’s more like a milk chocolate flavor. I don’t know if it’s meant to be sour cherry but it’s got a lot of sugar in there.” 5/10

Co-Op (£0.16 each)

“It’s very classic looking. It’s got a cute little star on top. Sprinkling of sugar. The pastry is crisp and buttery: Not overly sweet but not overly flavorful. Pretty straightforward mince. It’s a bog-standard mince pie. It is dry and uninteresting but not inedible.” 4/10

Fortnum & Mason Traditional (£2.16 each)

“It’s looks good, but it’s not. There’s loads of pastry and it’s not great. The pastry feels massively under-baked and then this mince is just like a mash. It’s not good. And caster sugar? Ugh. Not for me. Am I being brutal? It’s Fortnum? Sorry Fortnum.” 3/10

Harvey Nichols butter (£1.87 each)

“This looks a little bit homemade and the pastry is a bit rough, which is quite cute. The mince looks weird: Like no texture to it. Oh no. It’s really horrible. Soft pastry—not good. Caster sugar on top. And then the mince is like a paste.” 2/10

Leon (£2 each)

“The pastry just looks a bit under-baked, flaccid. It’s got what you can only describe as a soggy bottom. It’s not good. Maybe they’ve gone for like a shortbready kind of pastry, more like a cookie. But it is otherwise pretty uninteresting and overly sweet.” 2/10

Starbucks (£2.10 each)

“This one is ugly. It is enormous. It’s really, really bad, the worst by far. Really soft, like claggy, flavorless pastry. And then just equally flavorless mince that feels a bit like a mush. I would leave it. It is miserable.” 1/10

Richard Vines is Chief Food Critic at Bloomberg.